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Top 4 Strategies for Moving on After Divorce

04/08/14 3:01 PM

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There’s no doubt about it – divorce is hard. It’s hard whether it was your spouse who wanted the divorce or if it was you who wanted it. And it’s hard whether or not you feel like you’re better off after getting a divorce. As divorce rates in the United State are on the rise, everyone seems to have their own theory about how to move on after divorce. This post explores strategies for moving on after divorce.

  1. Allow Yourself Time to Mourn

Divorce represents a loss. As such, you aren’t expected to heal from it overnight. Everyone grieves at his or her own pace, and it is important to allow yourself ample time to mourn your divorce. Most likely, there are still aspects of your previous marriage that frustrate, sadden or even confuse you. It is always a great idea to talk out these kinds of feelings, especially in the context of divorce. Reach out to family and friends who will listen to you. If you don’t have family or friends willing to help, or if talking to them isn’t sufficient, contact a therapist. Talking to a therapist doesn’t mean you have a problem nor does it show any signs of weakness. It simply means that you seek to mourn your recent divorce in a healthy, judgment-free environment. Above all, remember that if you don’t mourn the loss of your marriage the pent-up feelings you have will never really go away.

  1. Don’t Be Hard on Yourself

It’s easy to blame yourself for your marriage not working out. But, refrain from doing so. Your marriage is over and pointing fingers – especially at yourself – won’t do any good. You’re human and humans make mistakes. For example, if you cheated during your marriage don’t continue to beat yourself up over it. You did what you did for a reason. Look at it now as an opportunity to discover what was missing from your relationship that led you to stray. Work on building your confidence back up. Believe in yourself and your ability to work past this rough patch in your life.

3. Discover and Rediscover

You’ve probably heard that, after going through a divorce, it is important to discover something new that you enjoy doing – whether it be picking up a new hobby, visiting a new place, etc. But, equally as important is rediscovery. This concept refers to rediscovering things you might have given up due to marriage. It could be as simple as this: although you always enjoyed going to the beach, you stopped once you got married because your husband didn’t like the beach. Start doing the things you used to enjoy once again. Embrace your newly found independence. Discover and rediscover what it is that makes you truly happy.

4. Don’t Fear Being on Your Own

Oftentimes, when a couple gets divorced, each person finds himself or herself having to handle tasks that they never had to before. For example, maybe during your marriage it wasn’t your responsibility to make sure the bills were paid on time or maybe it wasn’t your responsibility to do the cooking. Now that you are no longer married though, you will have to learn to do all household tasks and responsibilities.

It’s also important to keep in mind that being “on your own” isn’t the same as being “alone.” Although you’re no longer married, you likely still have children, family members or friends there to support you. Don’t be hesitant to ask them for help or advice if you need it. There are also many support groups out there for people that are going through, or have recently gone through, a divorce. Make sure to still go out and do things, and see the people you enjoy being around.

Posted by Stephen Lebedevitch | in Post Divorce | Comments Off on Top 4 Strategies for Moving on After Divorce

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